How Can I Raise More Loving, Healthy Children?

Top 10!

1. Safety: only at homes of parents you know or get to know, and prepare your kids on good touch, bad touch and what to do in cases of emergencies. Better to be safe and educate them on being safe, too. Also, getting to know your kids friends and making sure what they see, do, watch is appropriate. Don’t be afraid to ask questions and if you really sit with your kids once a day, like at bedtime, they’ll listen and they’ll open up if you listen to what is going on in their social world.
2. Money: Teaching them to save a portion of what they make from allowance. This helps for life!
3. Hard Work: Not giving allowance or things for free, but teaching them it is earned.
4. Boundaries: Does your kids have unhealthy boundaries with others or never do what you say? Having rules, chores, consequences, and for older kids-a strict curfew- teaches them to respect boundaries of others and respect you as parents and that you care about their safety, emotionally and physically and spiritually. There are tons of books on boundaries & parenting, so I can’t cover even a fraction of this topic here. If parents were not raised by healthy parents themselves or in a healthy home, then it is hard to teach and therapy can help you learn. There is no shame in that, but that takes courage and strength to ask for help & do what you need to do to break the chain, break the generational cycle and create a new, healthy way for your own family now. It is very possible!
5. Have consequences if the rules are not followed. Super important!! They will not respect you if you don’t have consequences and they will not follow the rules if you don’t either. This teaches them to be prepared for the real world, for school, for social settings because there are consequences everywhere if you don’t follow the rules. We want them to be ready for the workplaces, socializing, etc.  Don’t give in to whining or sad faces, remember that this will pass and they will thank you later for it. If you need help, therapists and counselors would LOVE to help you with this or provide some guidance in this area. You can do it, you are not alone and don’t have to be alone, sometimes having someone to cheer you on helps!
6. LIMITED screentime.  “in a study of 7,097 children published in the journal JAMA Pediatrics, having anywhere from one to four hours of screen time per day at age one is linked with higher risks of developmental delays in communication, fine motor, problem-solving, and personal and social skills by age two.”  This is SO important it should be #1- this is important for physical, emotional and spiritual health and adults should model this, too. This is important for social skills also.
7. Be Thankful: Having your kids send thank you notes and have THEM do the work, not you. This teaches manners and respect for others, and thankfulness which is the best attitude one can have for what they receive and gives them time to reflect on what others do for them.
8. Daily chores must be completed, giving kids at least one most days, and done before having fun. Work hard, then play. Families should help each other take care of the home. This teaches your kids collaboration and teamwork for a lifetime!  “Harvard’s Study of Adult Development followed two groups of people: 268 Harvard graduates from the classes of 1939 through 1944, and 465 men who grew up in poor inner-city neighborhoods in Boston. Participants were observed over a 75-year period, and the findings showed a difference when it came to chores. “The researchers found that those who were given chores as adults ended up being more independent, better able to work in collaborative groups, and better able to understand that doing hard work means you’re a valuable member of a community.”
9. Family Time/Dinner Time: No phones or electronic devices at the dinner table. This should be family time to share your thoughts, day, connect and be together. This teaches kids great social skills to last a lifetime!
10. Sleep! Getting enough sleep each night, having a good bedtime routine without electronics or devices the hour before sleep to unwind. This teaches them great self care to last a lifetime!! Be careful with melatonin and consult your doctor with this. Try holisitic, natural ways and it might take time if your kid has been dependent on falling asleep to electronics to change their routine and be okay with it. It is okay to not be okay. It is okay to let them be unhappy for awhile. That’s life and they will adapt. Kids and humans in general are good at adapting, even those who are worse at it, they will overcome and learn and grow and thrive if you stick to it. Remind yourself why you are setting the limits, how good it is for them, they don’t know what is good for them yet, but you do!
11. Ask for help! It is okay to reach out. Counselor, therapist, pastor, friend- we are all here for you and all us parents are in the same boat, we all struggle with similar if not same things! There is strength in numbers and I’ve seen many turn it around with success! It does take a village to raise a child, a healthy child!

You got this!

Tessa Fultz, LICSW